Musings On Blame Games In Offices

 

“If only I had a wand, I’d Sectumsempra you.”

– A BlamEmployee (An employee who is disgruntled, incompetent, good-for-nothing)

Whatcha bitchin’ ‘bout babe?

First things first. Couple of years ago, I had trouble winning blame games. Had no blame game wins recorded in living memory, to share with my grandchildren. Imagine!

But I don’t blame myself. Somehow—karmically—I felt responsible whenever things fell apart around me. But it’s now history. I am now have a Post Graduate Diploma in Blame Management. I am just as successful as any average office goer in Mumbai city.

I will love my Ex all my life, for having bought the first ever edition of “Blame Game for Dummies”, for me, with my debit card. I somehow blame you, you rich office colleagues, that I can’t afford a credit card, yet. Burn!

Handling blame game at work requires maturity. Both being at the receiving end of it and using it as your whiplash! It’s a skill to add to your resume. Channelize it out of you, at the right place, at the right time and the right amount… Hey, who am I kidding? You f***ing know more about it than me. Big time!

“Blame Theory” is the only theory I have learnt in two decades of life which finds the most real life applications, mostly in corporate cultures.

I strongly believe, that it is the leadership in an organization that can inspire a true blaming game culture. Like, one where the Human Resources are specifically instructed to hire bakras—the perennial blame taking employees, ones who are fond of swallowing their tongue, biting their lips shut when blame bombs fall on them, ones marked by Managers, to shed the first drops of sacrificial blood.

Well, just last week, after a high octane meeting at office, several of my colleagues were diagnosed with blame game fever. No sooner had the HRD realised that blame game fever is contagious, all the employees had received an email warning, which also stated that Dettol Blame Disinfectant will be kept at the check-in desk and all will be required to use it generously.

Sometimes things just get out of hand like that!

Thankfully Mother Nature keeps a check. She did this by making the weather pleasant enough, which triggered my creative juices so that I could pen down a poem. The only setback, though, will be that all dead poets will be found rolling in their respective graves, most of all Mr. Harivanshrai Bacchan.

Agnipath Aasaanjobs

To the makers of Agnipath, my sincerest apologies.

आसानपथ

करें सारे भले गलतियां

बड़ी बड़ी गलतियां

एक ऊँगली भी तू

मत उठा! मत उठा! मत उठा!

आसानपथ! आसानपथ! आसानपथ!

तू Blame करेगा कभी

तू Blame सहेगा कभी

तू Blame झुठलाएगा कभी

कर शपथ! कर शपथ! कर शपथ!

आसानपथ! आसानपथ! आसानपथ!

यह बरसात  का मौसम है

चलकर रहा तू मेट्रो स्टेशन से है

बारिशकीचडपसीना

लथपथ! लथपथ! लथपथ!

आसानपथ! आसानपथ! आसानपथ!

If you do find yourself at the receiving end of the blame game, which you had nothing to do with, do consider visiting the Aasaanjobs website to find a better job today.


Also published on Medium.

Zoyeb

Interested in networking, client management and relationship building. Working as Relationship Manager at Aasaanjobs, which has me manage client accounts, and guide them into using our day to day services. I can talk non-stop about myself or on any abstract topic.

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